Testing

I prayed today asking for guidance & strengths to over come test by god. & later on tonight my ex calls . Crazy right. But god isn’t crazy at all. I find myself feeling shocked & panicky & my heart feels the same way. I love my boyfriend with all my heart but I don’t understand why god brought josh back. Here’s a lil run down on josh friends. Since I’ve known him I was 14 & honestly he’s never been out of my life. We dated, fell in love over the years, tried getting back together and all that jazz but it never worked cause I wouldn’t commit to him. With josh I didn’t feel the affection that I wanted from him for our relationship to work. & I always found it strange that this guy who said he loved so much and all the perfect words even called me crying to get me back. He just didn’t want to be affectionate as far as holding hands & hugging in public. Yeah it sound like I’m just the side of fries & what not but I wasn’t. I KNOW! But this time…this random phone call was different. He said everything I wanted him to say about his self for a long ass time now & I never thought this day would come. I’ve moved on from him cause I didn’t deserve to wait for his change (& I don’t deserve to wait on anyone) but shit I’m in a panic. “I don’t want to make a permanent person stay that’s suppose to be temporary” but my feelings are probably only like this cause I once cared I great amount about him. Like how I am now with my current boyfriend I wanted what we have with josh looonnnggg ago. But that’s it he had me waiting too long & time waits for no one. This panic is just a small thing. I truly love my Lawrence & wouldn’t want to trade him in for the world. I’m happy. I know this is a test from god & I found my way to pass it. If your reading this & it sounds twisted to you this is my venting process so errors are going to be in here big Womp! God I love you & thank you for being awesome to me & opening my heart to my boyfriend I’m more than grateful & happy. Life brings you challenges & its your job to seek the lord in passing them. I just passed mine. Be blessed everyone. Give thanks & stay close to the one you love.

3 months ago  /  0 notes

HE’S ALL I THINK ABOUT UNTIL SOMETHING TAKES MY MIND OFF HIM.

4 months ago  /  0 notes

HEY YALL

It’s after six in the morning over here so I’m writing until I hit the sheets. Hummmm well I’m still in love with my beautiful boyfriend (that’s not EVER going to change) Ummmmmm it almost tax time & young thug like me needs dat muny lol I’m low key sleepy right now but not enough to just fall STRAIGHT to sleep. Ugh I’ve been procrastinating a lot on writing/talking about my feeling to my madre. Idk why though. I really wanna do it because I need to let go those feelings to better myself but I kinda feel like I’m throwing shit out there as if I’m throwing it in her face but fuck it…I have to get it done. It’s almost February my uncle birthday party us suppose to be CRACK AH LACKN lol I would love for my boyfriend to come with to Florida so he can see my crazy, loud, funny family. Umm work is work I need a new job ASAP. The whole atmosphere at my job is different now I feel like my time there is done. School is coming up in May aka MY BURFDAY MONTH LOL. I’ll be the big 21 woot-woot drinks on me haha ugh over all life is good I shouldn’t complain but if I do its just over money but money isn’t anything like at all #gross. But ill talk with you fools later SMOOCHES I’m out!

4 months ago  /  0 notes